A few months ago I wrote a post dealing with happiness, and how it is ultimately a choice. What I meant by this is, notwithstanding those who suffer from certain mental health issues, maintaining a content and happy life is a matter of choice. We choose how to respond to life’s stimuli and decide where to expend our mental and emotional energy. For some people this comes easily, for others, choosing contentment and happiness is more of a concerted effort. Regardless of your natural proclivity, at some level, living a life of contentment and happiness require some intentionality.
I also mentioned that part of that intentionality requires recognizing that happiness is a practice and a commitment. In my continued reflection on the topic, I also have come to realize that happiness and contentment require honesty, primarily with ourselves, but with others as well. Perhaps you are like me, you always want to appear to have it together and be impenetrable. I am fond of saying that “I don’t do public breakdowns,” because I do not like to experience or express such intense emotions. Yet, despite my efforts to suppress certain feelings, I do experience a wide range of emotions and cannot always conceal them.
What I am starting to realize is that part of living a happy and contented life also entails dealing honestly with these emotions. As the adage goes, “In order to get past a problem, you must first acknowledge that it exits.” In other words, you cannot live in happiness and contentment if you are also in denial about some area of your life. What you may think is the roadblock to your happiness, i.e. the negative emotion or feeling, may in fact not be the issue. Rather, it is our refusal to acknowledge that emotion and appropriately deal with it that compounds our problems. In order to reach true happiness and contentment, then, we must first honestly face the emotions we sometimes suppress. Thus, while maintaining some form of practice and commitment is important to happiness, these are accomplished best when done in an honest manner.
I had to take an honest inventory of my emotions not too long ago. After I graduated from Divinity School I had much to celebrate, but I was not happy or content. My life was not quite going in the direction I envisioned, and the uncertainty was a bit overwhelming. I initially tried to ignore the disquietedness brooding below the surface, until finally it could not be ignored. Moreover, I saw that by ignoring these emotions, I was only compounding the problem because it became a festering wound. Once I recognized my fears and insecurities, and not simply ignored them, then I was finally able to use them as a foundation to grow upon and begin to launch more boldly into a new direction. I do not believe I could have done that without processing through those hard emotions. I would, therefore, encourage you to do so as well.
Now, I’m not advocating that we release our emotions without regard to the place, time and people we are around. We should always exercise wisdom when we act. Certain emotions should be reserved for safe spaces, surrounded by those you love and trust. Also, I am not promoting that we wallow, and sit forever in our misery. Rather, we must acknowledge the negative emotions, not so that we can stay there, but in order to grow and move beyond those feelings. What I hope to convey is the need for honesty in the pursuit of happiness and contentment. Although we may want to always be perfect and have it all together, our humanity will always prevent us from achieving that goal. Life is meant to be lived in a wide range of emotions. So don’t let the myth of perfectionism stop you from living life to the fullest. Live life to the fullest….Live life honestly!
–Until Next Time–
Palooke
