Do you know someone who always seems happy? No matter the day, no matter the current national crisis, their mood is stuck on happy. They could have just received a speeding ticket on their way to work, but instead of being grumpy like I (and be honest you too) would be, they are just happy to have arrived at their destination safely. They’re so happy that it’s almost annoying. How can anyone be this happy ALL THE TIME? It’s impossible, right? Surely their happiness is a farce!
Well, that is what I thought until about a few months ago when I had an epiphany. I guess I had been complaining to my brother a bit too much about being stuck in transition. My conversation was consumed with my many frustrations about my life not going the way I expected, and to some degree, feeling like a failure. My focus was only on the negative, and as a result all that I projected was negative. Finally my brother said, with exasperation and concern in his voice, something to the effect of, “Is there not anything good you can focus on? Is it all bad?” To be sure, his questions were rhetorical, and his message was clear.
Although the “Little Sister Code”[1] wouldn’t allow me to say this in that moment, he was right. My life is not all bad, nor is it composed primarily of the frustrations I experience. But, as long as I focus on these negative aspects of my life, then my attitude and conversation will follow suit. Stated another way, whatever I focus on will determine my outlook on life. In that moment I realized an important truth: Even if I had all the things I wanted, if I continue to focus on the negative, then I will still be unhappy. Happiness is a choice!
Even though I had heard this before, it really clicked with me. I finally understood that just like I can dwell on the negative, I can dwell on the positive as well. Those people who use to annoy me with their constant happiness were not living a lie after all, but living a life of choice. And so, just like them I decided to choose happiness and contentment. During this journey of choosing happiness, I have uncovered two other important truths that you may find helpful in your quest for happiness as well.
Happiness Is A Practice:
While happiness is a choice, it is also a practice. You must engage in some form of concerted effort to maintain your happiness. As I have said in other posts, happiness, like many things of valuable things in our life, takes intentionality. There will always be negativity present seeking to undermine your happiness. When happiness is a practice, you develop some kind of effort, ritual or habit that helps to bring your mind back to a place of peace and to your choice of happiness. When I find negativity seeping back in, I engage in several practices. I may pray, do some free writing, meditate on a particular word like “love” or “peace,” or I just sit in silence. Perhaps there is another calming practice or activity you like to engage in like singing or talking to a trusted friend. Whatever it is, I believe it is important that you partake in this activity proactively, and when necessary, as an antidote. You must have something in place to remind you of your choice to be happy.
Happiness is a Commitment:
Intricately connected to the reality that happiness is a practice, is the truth that happiness is a commitment. Each day will bring you new reasons to abandon your happiness and focus on “reality.” But when you are committed to remaining in a place of peace and happiness, you do not allow your “reality” to take you back into negative thinking. I am not advocating that one live a pretentious life in denial; that only causes greater pain. Moreover, happiness is not pretentious. Rather, being happy and content is about living more completely. Instead of just focusing on the problem, you can expand your thinking beyond what is troubling you and can think about your life in its full context and capacity. In other words, choosing and committing to be happy allows you to never get stuck in a one-dimensional perspective of your life. You are brought you into multi-dimensional living where you not only see the bad, but hold it in tension with the good. The truth is, no matter how bad life may get, as my brother reminded me, there is always something good in it. There is always some reason to be hopeful, but you have to be committed to seeing it.
–Until Next Time–
Palooke
[1] Whaaaat?!! Did I just drop a footnote in a blog?! Yes I did! Continue–>Little Sister Code Rule 124: During a discussion, never admit to your older sibling that he or she is right. Instead allow for a significant amount of time before acknowledging their correctness, but do so only in a round about way (e.g. writing a blog post about them).
