I know by 30 when someone asks you what do you do for a living, you should have some idea how to answer that question. And generally speaking I do have an answer. But as someone who is in transition to a new career while having my foot in the last career, and dabbling in a third career, answering the “what do you do” question can be complicated, and is not always the easy conversational piece it’s intended to be. Usually when someone asks me this questions, mentally I begin to release a long sigh…I mean a loooong sigh, and depending on who asks, I mold my question in a way I think will invite the least amount of judgment. My answers are kind of like a “choose your adventure,” except my adventure is trying to avoid the side eye from people.
Now, perhaps I am a bit too cynical with my perception of this question, after all, people are not being malicious when they ask. Nevertheless, I find it frustrating for a few reasons. For one, I do not have a well-packaged singular response, like, “Oh I’m a professor of religion” or “I’m a civil rights attorney.”[1] Instead, I do a combination of a few things as I struggle to navigate this path of becoming who it is I am meant to be. Yet it seems that our society has conditioned us to grow up to be one thing and stay that thing for a lifetime, then retire. Sure, you can change once or twice, but you are still doing just one major thing at a time. You are a doctor, lawyer, teacher, agent, etc. Rare is the person who is a combination of professions like a practicing doctor, best-selling author and sculptor. My current path is not consistent with this model, and I’m not sure how to explain it to others. With all this name brand education I have acquired, I do not believe all would readily understand a thorough response to what I do. Quite honestly, I’m not sure if I understand it myself.
And this leads to another point of frustration, which is that I’m not quite sure what it is I do. I do various things, and yet at times I feel like I do nothing at all. I also long to conform to the model and have a short synthesized response to this question, but constantly find myself at a loss to provide my desired answer. It is not that I do not have a response; rather, it is that because my response seems like such an aberration to me, I am not confident in telling it to you. In other words, this question stirs my insecurities, which is rarely a fun activity.
But I think the most frustrating part about answering this question is that it feels incomplete. What I am doing at the moment is merely a stepping stone to what I will become. Thus I have not arrived at the point where I can adequately answer the question. I feel like I am in the middle of a process, or training for a job, but I am not sure what that job is. Since I am in the middle of the process, I can only tell you the skill I am honing today, but it is not necessarily what I do or am meant to do. Just like the person lifting weights in the gym need not be a professional weight lifter, they in fact could be a runner training for a marathon. I too find myself in the gym of life training, but I am not sure for what end. Therefore, I think the best answer to this question may be simply, “I don’t know, but I’ll get back with you.”
Don’t get me wrong, I am not really suggesting that you cease asking me or anyone else this question; nor am I advocating a better way of approaching the subject with people. After all, I ask people this question all the time. Rather, life’s observations have made it apparent to me that perhaps others may find comfort in my discomfort because they know they are not the only ones feeling this way. Your particular path and reasons may be different, but the frustration is the same. Take heart in knowing you are not alone in this journey of becoming. And when someone asks you the question again, it is ok to simply answer, “I don’t know, but I’ll get back with you.”
–Until Next Time–
Palooke
[1] But I certainly give these responses if I think it will be easier for me. Ibid at first paragraph.
