One night during Bible Study at my church, a fellow parishioner made a comment about the difficulty we have with accepting grace. Her point, in essence, was that we often feel we must earn what we receive and thus struggle to comprehend being given grace without earning it. Contemplating her words, I began to examine closer my feelings and understanding of the concept of grace. I realized that, if I am honest with myself, at times God’s grace seems more like a hindrance to my walk with Him than and a blessing.
This may sound paradoxical, the idea that grace is a hindrance to intimacy with God; but looking at the definition of grace will highlight the issue. A preacher once defined grace as the unmerited favor of God. The dictionary offers several definitions, but two that I found particularly relevant were that grace was “a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior” or it was defined as “mercy; clemency; pardon”. What is most striking from all these definitions is that grace is something completely external from me. It can only occur through the actions of an outside force working on my behalf. While I may advocate for myself, in the end, I have no control over the grace given to me. Like one of my clients throwing himself at the mercy of the court, the ultimate decision remains with the court, and not my client. Within the Christian context, we understand grace par excellence through the life of Jesus Christ, whose sacrifice pardoned us from sin.
But, you may ask, how does knowing that serve as a hindrance to one’s walk with God. The answer is simply one of control. As my fellow parishioner said, we like to feel like we can earn God’s favor. What I think she was getting at is that we like to maintain some level of control over our lives, especially when it comes to our relationship with God. If I know that my works are the cause of God’s favor, then I still feel as if I have some control over my life and do not need to surrender total control to God. Yet, grace is a constant reminder that I am not in control but God is. Grace humbles me.
As someone who likes to feel in control, however, grace induced humility is an unsettling space to be in and one I struggle with from time to time. I like the idea of receiving God’s grace (or grace in general), but I do not like the idea that I am somehow not in control of my life. However, I have to remind myself that it is safe to rest and depend on the Lord. As I have stated several posts before, the control I think I have over my life is largely an illusion anyway. I cannot control my entire life, nor should I try. Instead I must embrace grace and all that it entails. God’s grace is meant to be liberating and empowering if we let it. We just have to remember God’s words when God said, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9.
