I have been watching the FX mini-series “Feud” that depicts the longtime rivalry between Hollywood legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The story is fascinating not only because it is true, but also because it portrays the complications and complexity that come with being famous or successful at your craft. True stories like this, as well as biographies of famous and infamous people fascinate me. One the one hand, I am inspired and comforted by their lives because they demonstrate the diverse forms in which success can occur. Whenever I am tempted to feel that perhaps I am on the wrong track, I look at their lives and realize that I am just on my own unique path to success. On the other hand, their stories also serve as warnings of the pitfalls that threaten, and at times, undermine success. One reoccurring pitfall I have observed is insecurity. This is a flaw that runs heavily throughout the mini-series Feud.
To be sure, insecurities are not unique to the famous or infamous. Indeed, we all suffer from at least one insecurity that we constantly contend with. While insecurities are often viewed in a negative light, they need not be. In fact, I am starting to see that they serve a purpose. And how you choose to manage, or not manage, them will determine not simply whether or not you will be successful, but how you succeed, at what cost, and the sustainability of your success. We can use our insecurities positively or negatively.
I know you’re probably thinking, “the positive side of insecurities? How absurd.” But hear me out. In one respect, our insecurities are beneficial because they can keep us humble. They are silent admonishments of our imperfections that help us resist the temptation to think too highly of ourselves. I am not advocating that we all practice self-effacement or aestheticism. Rather I am pointing out that our insecurities, to some degree, remind us of one of life’s truths: no one is perfect. This in turn should cause us to engage with people with more grace, as we realize that each of us are learning to manage our insecurities.
Similarly, our insecurities can inspire courage because we must push pass the fear they bring as we work to overcome them. They motivate us to work harder and commit to self-improvement in ways I am not sure we would if we did not have insecurities lurking in the background. For instance, how many of us would diet and exercise if we did not harbor some insecurities about our body? Many of us workout because we are aiming for a particular body type. Now, I am not at all suggesting that this is a healthy reason for dieting and exercise, but merely pointing out that it is a motivator for many people. Insecurities challenge and push us, which is a morally neutral reality. But we must be careful that we properly manage them because if not, they will certainly ruin us.
This certainly seemed to have been the case for Joan Crawford. She allowed her insecurities to propel her into self-sabotaging behavior, although at the time she could not see it that way. She was conniving, petty and paranoid. Her insecurities did not lead to self-improvement, but to the destruction of others, and that is one of the biggest problem with insecurity. When our insecurities lead us to desire the destruction of others or fail to remind us that we are all connected through our imperfections, then it ceases to have a positive purpose.
Additionally, when our insecurities causes us to become immobile due to fear of failure, or become obsessive in our self-improvement (e.g. eating disorders), then it is a negative force threatening the very success you we aim to have. The end result is that even if we do achieve our goals, it will be at the expense of our contentment, reputation, and moral and ethical standards. This is a high price to pay for success.
Therefore, it is imperative that we learn to manage our insecurities. We must acknowledge them, use them as guidance for where we may need to improve, but never let them be the driving force dictating how we live our lives. In life, there will be many different voices providing input on how we should live, and this includes our insecurities. Just like all other voices we hear, however, we must evaluate our insecurities and decide which parts to keep and which parts to leave behind. When it comes to our insecurites, we ought to keep the parts that inspire us to be better humans, and leave behind the rest. The end result will be a happier and more balanced life.
–Until Next Time–
Palooke
