I actually wanted to title this post “Sometimes you gotta lose to win,” but unfortunately for me, Fantasia has already made that declaration. Admittedly, when I first heard the title to her song “Lose to Win” I was a bit perplexed. I thought she was attempting to be clever, but once I listened, and had a few more life experiences, the truth of that song began to resonate with me. We all want to “win” at life and are inspired by others’ stories of success. Who is not moved by hearing how Oprah Winfrey went from being a poor Black child living in Jim Crow Mississippi rose to be the great success she is today? When we listen to these stories we believe that with hard work and perseverance, we too can maximize our potential and reach great success. While I know a strong work ethic is a necessary ingredient to success, I also contend with the reality that loss and pain also are components of success.
The older I become the more I realize that great success does not come without loss and pain. The key is not to ignore it or try to avoid it, because that is a futile objective. Rather, we must anticipate it, to the best of our abilities (which is not to say live anxiously), appropriately address it and learn any lessons. To be sure, this is much easier said than done, but recognizing the issue and devising a plan is certainly a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, I do not believe society has conditioned us to appropriately anticipate the paradox of loss and success. We tend to focus on the joys of success, and forget the tears that were also a part of that journey. As a result, we find ourselves blindsided by life, and desiring to quit.
An example of our tendency to overlook loss comes from a story I hear often in church; the story of Ruth. This is a rich story that involves famine, love, loss, loyalty, poverty, hard work and reward. Yet, people often focus only on the love story between Ruth and Boaz in an effort to inspire single women to wait for their “Boaz” who will find them gleaning in the field. But Ruth could only marry Boaz because her first husband had died. Then when faced with rejection from Naomi, her mother-in-law, she remained loyal and left her family to travel with Naomi. Once they reached Naomi’s homeland, they lived in poverty, and Ruth had to toil for a period of time for both her and Naomi. Only after undergoing all these events did she marry Boaz. In other words, yes Ruth found love with Boaz, but it was only because she lost her first love and endured other hardships.
But I am not pointing this out simply to upset you. My intent is not to create anxiety, or fear; rather it is to share my observations in the hopes that you will be better prepared for the lows and the highs of success. I think the key to surviving life’s inevitabilities is awareness, preparation and a sense of camaraderie with others in the struggle. Anyone who has ever had great success has also had some form of loss and pain on their way there. All loss need not be great or devastating, however. Sometimes the loss we experience entails altering the way we think. With each new progression in our life, we must adapt to the new situation. What worked at one level of success may not work, or in fact may hinder our ability to be successful. In those moments, you must lose your old way of thinking in order to change with your new environment. This can be scary. Determining which part of your thinking you must evolve and which part must remain constant can be a difficult undertaking. But navigating life’s difficulties is necessary to being successful. I have no doubt that you are a great navigator and will reach success. Stay encouraged!
–Until Next Time–
Palooke
