Last year, roughly around this time, I had a semi-meltdown. Well, maybe meltdown is too strong of a word. There was no cursing, no crying, no screaming or raised voice, just a dramatic display of immense irritation. Admittedly, from the outside looking in my reaction seemed disproportionate to the impetus. After all, I was simply asked to edit a document I had drafted that was lacking. Yet, there I was having an unwarranted and dramatic reaction, but I was not quite sure why. It would take a few weeks before I processed the cause.
As I analyzed my reaction, I began to understand a fact I already knew. It was not the request to edit the document that actually upset me. No, the source of my reaction was the result of maturated frustration. As I described in my previous post Being Honest With Your Emotions, I had moved back from finishing my third degree and found myself in the interstices between success and feeling like a failure. I knew I should have been celebrating my accomplishments, but the feelings of stagnation and setback impeded that. Unbeknownst to me, I had been suppressing my feelings, causing deep frustration to brood. Thus, when I was asked to edit the document, I did not interpret this request at face value. Rather, I interpreted it through my lens of frustration, which caused me to exaggerate its meaning. In the moment it felt like a personal affront; another reminder of where I was not succeeding. My reaction was not about the document, but about my frustration.
As I thought about this further, I began to suspect that people respond from their frustrations more frequently than we may realize. And they do so without fully understanding that they are frustrated. Perhaps you can relate to this. Your underlying frustration may be different than mine, but it nonetheless impacts you. Maybe you are unhappy with a relationship, romantic or otherwise, your family dynamic is complicated, you have unfulfilled dreams, or you’re dealing with disappointment and hurt. Whatever the cause, these emotions, if left unaddressed, build into frustrations that are damaging. Suppressed frustrations eat away at our contentment and joy. Not only that, but they can damage our relationships. For instance, last year I had a friend explode at me in an emotional tirade that I immediately recognized was not about me, but about her frustrations. Although I understood the source, it did not change the impact of her behavior, and effectively ended the friendship.
I realize now that addressing our frustrations is not only good for our mental health, but necessary to maintaining healthy relationships. There are different ways one can properly deal with brooding frustrations from meditation to therapy. I think the most important one, however, requires you to recognize that you are frustrated and uncover the source. This requires self-reflection, self-awareness and patience. You have to be able to identify when your behavior deviates from your norm, and figure out why this may be. In other words, in order to get past a problem, you must first recognize that there is a problem.
This may take time, and can be quite hard emotionally, but that is fine. You can do it. Once one has undergone this step, the next step or steps one may take can be as diverse as the problems we face. For some people, they may have to re-strategize their lives, others may need to have hard conversations with others; and still some may just have to endure this moment of frustration that is an inevitability of the life cycle, knowing that this too shall pass. Whatever the conclusion is for you, know that you are not alone in this process. I know that frustrations are exacerbated by feelings of loneliness, but that need not be your story. We are more connected and alike than we know. Find peace and solace in that connection, even while you press through your frustrations.
–Until Next Time–
Palooke
